AF, Shatai and Company VS the GERRRRRMS!!
by Aliet Faslami
Summary: PG13 for language. The germs have returned to cause havok! Sort of based on Germs/NanoZim... read to find out why!


Shatai co-wrote this! YAY!! It's loosely based on the eppies Germs and NanoZim. ...You'll see why. Anyway, we don't own and ZOE/IZ stuff except for Jendai, who has been claimed by her royal SI highness Bast-chan. Sorry ladies, if you try to steal him, you will be subjected to her wrath... her wrath is one that none survive.  
  
It's cold. That's all you need to know about the time of year. Freezing. In fact, it snowed the night before, but unfortunately, didn't stick. AF is at hi-skool, probably suffering in history, Zim is in skool too, and everyone else is home. Red's playing a game on Zim's giant TV entitled, "Zone Of the Enders", upside-down on the couch. He's got a Gaz-look in his eyes. GIR is watching him, cuddling his pigs. Purple's downstairs... doing something... and Jendai is... why don't we see what he's up to?  
  
Jendai (singing in the bathroom while doing Irken stuff to get ready for a date with Bast-chan...): I'm falling even more in love with you! Letting go of all I've held on to! I'm standing here until you make me move! I'm hanging by a moment here with you! (finds a bottle of cologne, looks at it for a second, then sprays) I'm living for the only thing I know, I'm running and not quite sure where to go! And I dunno what I'm diving into, just hanging by a moment here with you! (gags) Oh god! (coughs and hacks) I think I sprayed too much... (shudders and puts it away)  
  
Purple (from behind him): God! What'd you do?  
  
Jendai (still trying to put the cologne away and not turning around): Tried human cologne. (holds the bottle up for emphasis) Didn't work out so well... (stands up to examine himself in the mirror. Aside from less oil/grease stains, from machinery he's worked on lately, on his face and clothes, he looks pretty much the same. No one ever said Dai was a neat-freak.) There! Perfect!  
  
Purple (coughs): Uh huh... Date with Bast? (coughs again)  
  
Jendai (still fussing with his gloves and not turning around): Yep. She's excited. Sorry about the cologne Pur. Didn't mean to suffocate you.  
  
Purple (doesn't sound so good): It wasn't you. I felt like shit a while before this.  
  
Jendai (surprised, turns around): What? (blinks) Whoa! What happened to you?  
  
Purple (leaning on the door, looking very pale, his antennae are all droopy, there's circles under his eyes and he's just generally looking not good... Uh oh): I feel like shit. (coughs) Is it cold in here, Dai? (shivers) Good lord it's freezing! And my throat is all... hurty...  
  
Jendai (goes into overprotective mode): Why aren't you still in bed!? You're sick, damn it Pur! (grabs Purple and hauls him back to the Tallest's roomy thing in Zim's lab) Why didn't you tell me you were sick!? Damn, Zim is going to freak when he finds out you've brought Germs down here... not to mention you're a Tallest and he's your mindless servant... sort of. (pushes him through the door to his room) Okay, get in bed and I'll find some juice or medicine or something Zim's got laying around.  
  
Purple (grumbling but not fighting): I'm not sick, goddamn it... just cold. And with a hurty throat.   
  
Jendai (acts like the big important tall Irken he is): You will go to bed and you will sleep and rest. Purple, listen to me. Earth Germs... BAD! Hell knows what they could do to us! When AF gets home, she'll know what to do. (watches Purple get back in bed) Okay, try and sleep for a while and I'll-  
  
Voice of Bast-chan (yelling): JENDAI KAALE!! GET YOUR GREEN ASS UP HERE! YOU'RE LATE!  
  
Jendai (blushes dark green): And I'll go out with Bast... Sorry Pur... (shrugs apologetically) She'll kill me if I don't get up there...   
  
Purple (waves him off sleepily): Go. I'll just sleep till AF comes home... (falls asleep)  
  
Jendai (grins, then dashes to the house where Bast is waiting by the front door): Hey, Bast-chan! Long time no see! (hugs her to make up for his amazing lateness)  
  
Red (still upside-down): Must... get... to... next... boss...  
  
Bast (eyes him): How can he play like that?  
  
Jendai (shrugs): Dunno. Hey, Lazer Ass! (Red jumps and pauses the game) Purple's not feeling that great, so he's sleeping. Tell AF when she gets back. (waves to GIR) Bye GIR.  
  
GIR (waves his piggy): BYE BIG MASTER!! Bye Basty lady! Kissykissykissy! (makes kissing noises)  
  
Jendai and Bast (blush dark red and dark green): Eh-heh... bye! (run out the door)  
  
What's AF doing at that moment? Shall we find out? We shall!  
  
AF (emptying the MASSIVE amount of homework she's been doomed with. Why do teachers pile on the homework on Thursdays?): Lessee... Geometry, Japanese... History... Biology... I think that's it... (slams locker door, which is covered with pics of Zim, GIR, Dai and the Tallest from the Europe trip... mostly of Zim and Purple) Bye bye Hi-Skool! (heads towards the parking lot singing the Doom Song and getting shot odd looks by jocks and preps) Hmm... who's wearing sandals today? (notices half the preps in her skool are, even though it's freezing outside) Oo, so many feet, so little time! (promptly walks over every prep foot in her path, her boots are a wonderful thing, snickering silently to herself at their squeaks on her way out)  
  
She gets in her Explorer and heads for the normal Skool to pick up Zim. On the way, she grabs a pop from the local Macmeaties cuz it's the only thing she's had since breakfast-AF is too busy with attempting to sketch to eat lunch-today. The little thermometer thingy says it's 32 degrees outside, so she waits in the Explorer for Zim to come out because she's about half an hour early. Suddenly, the skool empties with all the children screaming about piranhas. Zim is fleeing from Dib in front of the screeching mob. The Invader jumps in her car, locks the door and sneers at the ranting Dib.  
  
Dib (jumping outside the window): I... know... it... was... you... Zi... mmm! Only... you... could... do something... so... evil!  
  
Zim (cackling from the safety of AF's Explorer): You have no proof, foolish jumping DIB! How do you know it was not a simple... "accident" that those gold... fishy... things... mutated into flesh-eating fish zombies? (thinks) Which just happened to find their way into those cesspools you humans call... bathrooms.  
  
AF (shakes her head and puts the Explorer into gear): I'm not even gonna ask. (drives away)  
  
They head home, listening to the radio, plotting the DOOMS of various annoying preps/jocks in their skools. AF pulls up in front of the house, collects her gear and jumps out, Zim following. They enter, still talking.   
  
AF (drops her bag on the floor): I still don't understand how you got the goldfish to mutate, Zimmy.  
  
Zim (all explanatory mode): It's quite simple AF. All you do is slip a bit of Aksurium-not an Earth element, mind you-into the fish... home... thing and wait for a total of three hours for full potency. Once three hours have passed, you merely remove the fishes from their old environment and place them into a place more suited to their... needs. In my case, the human "bathrooms."  
  
AF (considers this): We're experimenting on fish in Biology tomorrow... got any of that Aksuri stuff left over?   
  
Zim (evil smile): Why of course, AF. You're quite welcome to my supply of it if you're planning on DOOMing the various evil humans in your skool. (heads for the kitchen) Come! It is in the lab!  
  
Red (realizing someone just walked in): Oh! AF? (she turns around) Jendai wanted me to tell you something... (shrugs-which looks really bizarre upside-down) but I can't remember. Not like it was THAT important or anything. DAMN! (glares at TV) I died AGAIN!? I'm a goddamn Soldier!! How the hell can a stupid little raptor ship blow up JEHUTY!?  
  
AF (walks off, leaving the Tallest to rant at his game): Show me the Irken stuff, Zim! (follows him down into the lab)   
  
Zim (exits the elevator with AF behind him): It should be around here someplace... (thinks) AF, you go busy yourself with some... human things, while I find my Aksurium containment vessels. They shouldn't be too hard to find! (marches off with his weird little march)  
  
AF (leans against the wall, bored): Hehe, Aksuriumum! (blinks) What was that? (listens) ...Snoring? Who snores at this time of day? (wanders off in search of snore-er) Lessee... Lazer Ass is upstairs... GIR doesn't sleep... Zim is off somewhere... Jendai's dating... (thinks) I know I'm not asleep. That leaves... (pokes her head into Purple's room) Pur. Heh? (realizes she was right and quietly slips into the room) What's he doing asleeping?  
  
Purple (asleeping): Zzzz... Z?  
  
AF (giggles): Aww. Wonder what's up... (attempts to pat him on the forehead) Eep! (grabs her wrist and waves her hand in the air) Owowowow! Hot! (looks down at him, worried) He's sick? I guess this is what Dai wanted to tell me... Damn Red. Poor Pur... (thinks) Zim is going to freak out... and possibly be too pissed off for his own good... he might start ranting at someone he shouldn't be... (tries to remember where her flamethrower is) Must keep him out of here.  
  
Purple (yawns and wakes up): Heh... wha? (blinks) Hi AF.   
  
AF (embarrassed smile): Morning Purple. You feeling okay?   
  
Purple (glares at ceiling): Are the words, "like shit" enough? (groans and plants his face in the pillow) Can I go back to sleep...? So... tired...   
  
AF (pats him on the back pod thingy): Sure. (makes a face) You're shivering! (dashes into her room, yanks the fluffy, ultra-warm comforter off her bed-AF likes to be warm-and returns) Here, use this. (covers him with it) I don't care if it gets germy. There's probably more germs on there right now than you have in your whole body anyway. (the comforter is AF's sickblanket) Want anything?  
  
Purple (grumbling): Yes. Sleep! (one of his eyes looks up at her, all squinty)  
  
AF (grins at him, then runs off): Zimmy! Find it yet? I want to DOOM people! (wanders through the lab looking for Zim) Hello? Zim? Where are you? (suddenly, a large explosion from above rocks the entire base as the place shakes like an earthquake) What the hell!? (grabs the nearest secure object and holds on) ZIM!! (Zim comes running, wavering back and forth on the shaking ground) What the hell did you blow up!?  
  
Zim (also clinging to something stable-AF): Nothing! This is an entirely exterior happening! Nothing in my lab or base-not even GIR-could cause this!   
  
Purple (leaning in the doorway, hanging on for dear life): What the hell!? Zim! What'd you do!? (turns a funny color) I feel sick...  
  
AF (grabs Zim and heads for the elevator): Bathroom's that way, Pur! Come Zim! Let's see what's happening out there! (they ride the elevator upstairs to find Red and GIR gathered at the windows, staring out in horror) What's up!?   
  
Red (waves her over): This is bizarre AF! Come see!!   
  
AF (runs over to the window with Zim): Holy Shit... (blinks in amazement) What the hell...?  
  
Zim (rubs his eyes): I thought the giant robot of doom wasn't going to get here from Callnowia until Sunday...  
  
Red: That's not from Callnowia! (runs to get ZOE players guide...looks in pages, looks at giant robot outside) That's Tempest from my video game!  
  
AF: How the hell did you get that thing out of your video game?  
  
Red: I didn't! I swear! (AF gives him a scary look) Really! Don't you think I would have done it sooner if I knew how?  
  
AF (thinks for a sec, and is disturbed by another large quake): Okay Lazer Ass, you're off the hook. The question is now, what do we do about it?  
  
Tempest is five times taller than any of the buildings in the neighborhood with a few spidery leggy... things... it uses to step on other... things... with. It's got a few more spidery arms and a big dome for a head. The arms suddenly start waving about, spewing fire everywhere.  
  
AF (Gaz look): Ooooooo... where can I get one of those?  
  
A gun rises from the dome and blows up the street in front of the house.  
  
AF (now terrified): Dah! Red, you're the expert here, how do we get rid of that thing!?  
  
Red: Uuuh... I haven't quite beaten it yet... But I do have an idea! (runs outside, GIR, AF and Zim follow) I took the liberties of installing a few... installments... in your house Zim. (takes out a remote and pushes it. Roof opens, a giant lazer bigger than the house appears.)  
  
Zim (narrows his eyes): When did that happen?  
  
Red (smirks): Just before I got ZOE. Okay, if I remember the trick, I think you're supposed to aim for the cockpit thingy... (starts playing with joystick on remote)  
  
AF (raises an eyebrow): You think?  
  
Red (annoyed): I said I haven't beaten it yet!  
  
AF (reaching for the remote): Gimmie that! You're gonna do it wrong!  
  
Red (trying to keep it away): AF! No!   
  
They wrestle for control of the remote, the giant lazer swivels to their movements. AF tackles Red, the remote drops and the Tallest's elbow pushes a button. The lazer glows and shoots a hole in Zim's neighbor's wall. Zim's neighbor, watching TV as always, stares curiously out of the hole.  
  
GIR (picks up remote): Oooo! Lemme try! (fiddles with remote while humming the Doom Song)  
  
Red (on his feet): Gimmie that, (snatches remote) I know what I'm doing.  
  
The crosshairs on the remote screen glow red as they highlight the cockpit. Red smiles evilly and pushes a button. The lazer starts to glow even more dramatically than last time. The house rumbles as the power builds up. Suddenly, the power gets cut and the lazer returns to normal.  
  
Red (shaking remote where his ear would be... if he had one): Oops, guess I forgot to replace the batteries.  
  
AF (covering eyes at the sheer stupidity): Oh god Red! How could you be so STUPID!? Great job Lazer Ass!  
  
Zim (tugs on her trenchcoat): AF?  
  
AF (waves him off): Not now Zimmy, I'm scolding Red.  
  
Zim (pulling harder): uh, AF!?  
  
AF (glares at him): I said not now!  
  
GIR (cheering): Look! It's waving at us! (waves) HIIII!!!  
  
AF (looks up): Huh?  
  
The giant lazer on top of Tempest is wiggling as it targets AF and friends. It begins to glow as Red's had earlier, only even MORE dramatically... Dramatic, no?  
  
AF shivers and holds Zimmy, while Red quivers and shields a singing GIR. My, aren't they heroic? All hope seems lost... when, BOOM! A giant ball of blue energy flies through the air and hits the lazer on the Tempest, making it explode. A blur of blue dashes by above the house and continues an assault on Tempest.  
  
AF (blinks in amazement, letting go of Zim): Eh? We're not dead?  
  
Red (marveling at robots): Oooh, so that's how you do it!  
  
The blue blur is of course Jehuty. Hmm, I wonder who could be inside? (sarcasm meant for those who have read AF and Co vs. Unsuspecting Europeans) The robot flies around, dodging attacks and counter attacking with mind boggling speed (okay, Shatai MADE me put that part in) the elegance of the orbital frame weaving purposefully about the arms, slicing with the elegant blade into the sturdy haul of the dome (...okay, he made me put that part in too...) With a fantastic effect of blue mist and glowing energy-Ah, screw him! The Tempest thing blows up, ok?! Jehuty comes in for a landing, resting a knee and a hand on the ground. The canopy of the cockpit unfolds.  
  
Shatai (waves in the cockpit): Hey AF! What're you doing on Jupiter?   
  
AF (pissed): SHATAI!? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU-(realizes he saved her and everyone else)-What the hell was that thing!?   
  
Zim (equally upset): It could have obliterated us all! (thinks) Where can I get one, Jehuty-human? (Shatai hasn't earned the right to be called by his name yet)  
  
GIR (always happy): HI Jehuty man! (waves adorably)  
  
Red (joyous, despite the fact he almost DIED): JEHUTY!! (runs over to the big robot and hugs its wrist... thing) I love you... (blissful look)  
  
Shatai (climbs out of cockpit): Nice to see you too, AF. (looks around) Wait... why am I on earth?   
  
Red (looks up from hugging Jehuty): I should ask her the same question...  
  
AF (shakes her head): I think you got lost chasing that... (points at smoldering wreckage) Tempest thing.   
  
Shatai (wanders over after dragging a protesting Red from the wrist of his robot): Anyway, yeah I was chasing the Tempest. It was supposed to be on Jupiter... (rolls his eyes) but somehow it's here. What I'm doing is saving your lives. And as for the Tempest... (shrugs) It's a giant robot of infernal and eternal doom.   
  
Red (helping): It's BAHRAM ship... thing... doom ship...  
  
Shatai (looks at the group): Anyway, seeing as I've just dropped in and Red here seems to know a lot about Jehuty... (gets a begging look) PLEASE can I come in and play? PLEASE!?   
  
Zim (ceases admiring Jehuty): Huh? Yeah, sure. I too would enjoy seeing this... game that Tallest Red is so very interested in and that also seems to have spawned this incredible machine. (heads inside, everyone else following)  
  
GIR (waves to Jehuty): BYE Mr. BIG ROBOT! (skips inside)  
  
They all go inside and settle around the TV, watching Red and Shatai duke it out in the versus mode of ZOE. An hour goes by, with Shatai easily winning every match.  
  
Red (dying... again): Damn it! I need to practice against someone other than Purple... he sucks worse than me!  
  
Shatai (restarting the match): Speaking of Purple, where is that guy? I haven't seen him since I got here.  
  
AF (absorbed in the sweet sweet graphics of ZOE): Oh, he's sleeping downstairs in the lab. He got sick today and is just generally being a very grumpy Pur. (casually eats some popcorn she made for everyone) He's not a happy Tallest today.  
  
Zim (shocked and horrified): What!? Tallest Purple has been infected by... (shudders in horror) GERMS!? (watches AF nod) NO! The contamination! SO MUCH FILTH!! Sweet jumping chili beans! (dashes off to his lab) My defenses! My Tallest! (heads down the trashcan)   
  
Shatai (stares after him): That was interesting.  
  
Red (sighs): Let me guess, now AF's gonna go after him and protect her Purple from Zim's idiotic ranting and endless amounts of germ spray. Either that or explain to Zim that Pur's probably not contagious or have Zim find something in that lab of his to make Purple not sick no more. (returns to the game)  
  
AF (gets up): Hey, I gotta do something to keep Zim sane... (heads for the lab)  
  
Shatai (also getting up): You know... I've never been down there myself... (heads for lab as well)  
  
GIR (jumps off the couch): WEEEEEEE! Toilet time! (runs)  
  
Red (sits there for a few minutes, then pauses the game and gets up as well): If everyone else is going...  
  
Eventually, everyone is crowded around the door to Purple's room, where a very pissed off and grouchy and sick Tallest is arguing with an equally pissed off, equally grouchy Invader about germs. AF is sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to reason with both of them and hold GIR at the same time. Red and Shatai watch with interest from the doorway.   
  
Zim (ranting): My Tallest, you have been infected by the vile Germs! You're very very ill, possibly delirious, and have no idea what you're talking about! If we do not disinfect you, there is a likelihood those disgusting... germy germs will destroy something vital!  
  
Purple (shrugs): So just bring a medical unit thing in here and zap me.   
  
Zim (getting exasperated): But, but, Sir! My medical units are incapable of dealing with the human threat of germs. They are too out-of-date to be uploaded with new data and techniques! Perhaps if I had better equipment assigned-  
  
Red: No way.  
  
Zim (mad): All right! But if Tallest Purple is killed because of these things, you cannot blame ZIM! (throws his hands up in the air) I tried!  
  
Shatai (blinks): Wait, Zim. Are you saying you can't make Purple not sick no more?  
  
Zim (nods): Yes. And based on my data analysis of the effects of human Germs on Irken immune systems... (a console appears from the ceiling and Zim taps some keys) The results are... not good. (gestures to simulation on the screen) My data suggests that the infected Irken cannot recover on their own. The germs will continue to attack the various systems of the Irken's body until there is nothing left and they eventually end up... (twitches) dying of the infection. (antennae droops) This meaning, Tallest Purple will not be able to heal himself as any Irken with an Irken disease would be able to. His condition will slowly deteriorate... (sighs) I will work as hard as I can on something that will destroy the germ population without harming Tallest Purple. The rest of you must find some way to make sure the infection does not get worse.  
  
AF (looks upset): And if you can't make something?  
  
Zim (seriously): Then Irk will have one Tallest and you will not be pleased, AF.  
  
Red (swallows): I'm gonna be the only Tallest?  
  
Shatai (looks sideways at Red): Wouldn't that normally make you happy?  
  
Red (squirms uncomfortably): Yeah but... Students don't like me... they might come after me with pointy sticks... or worse, pointy flaming sticks.   
  
Purple (pales): Oh mother of... (flops back down on the bed)  
  
AF (tries to make him feel better): Don't worry Pur... Zim's smart... he'll find something...   
  
Shatai (stops Zim): You're sure we can't use human medicine? I mean, it just seems so easy to just do that.  
  
Zim: Human medicine might very well just make the problem worse. (glares at AF) I wish you would have told me sooner. Then I would have more time to work my brilliance! (heads off to work)  
  
Red (waves to Purple): Good luck! I have to beat Shatai now, so... Hope you don't die! (runs away before AF can harm him)   
  
Shatai (shakes his head): Need me to stay around? Do anything? I'm here to help! (thinks) That and beat Red's ass.  
  
AF (hands him GIR): Keep GIR busy and bring me my book. The big giant one. Uh... Lord of the Rings. Yeah, that one. (pulls up a chair) We've got a long wait until Zim figures something out.  
  
Purple (grumbling): Knowing him, I'll be dead before he even gets started... (shivers and pulls the blankets up tighter)  
  
AF (glares): Not funny Pur. You won't die! I have faith in Zim's competence! (blinks at the snickering from the duo) What? What's so funny?  
  
Shatai and Purple (innocently): Nothing.  
  
GIR (looks up at Shatai): Can I go play with the big dooming robot now? Please mister Jehuty man? (big puppy eyes) Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?  
  
Shatai (sighs): Sure GIR. But first we have to get AF her book so she can keep Purple company. (marches off in search of The Lord of the Rings)  
  
A few hours go by. Nobody really wonders where Bast and Dai are... they all have their own little ideas... most are clean, but we all know what Red thinks... Naughty Tallest. He's playing that ZOE game again, completely absorbed since Shatai loaned him the cheater's guide. Shatai has been dragged outside to monitor the conversation between GIR and Jehuty's computer thingy, called ADA. He gets bored quickly and starts listening to his beloved Nickelback CD. We obviously know that Zim is furiously working at his master computer. Isn't he a good little servant? Lookit him, typing away, frowning... desperately trying to help his Tallest... Anyway... AF reads her book in Purple's room, making sure he doesn't get worse. Hehe, she's really involved in her beloved Lord Of The Rings. Whenever Purple coughs or something, she jumps and watches until he goes back to sleep. She goes and gets him stuff from time to time, but just generally reads and watches him sleep. The poor Tallest just can't seem to get a break... he drifts off for about ten minutes before waking up and having a "wonderful" coughing fit. Unfortunately, he doesn't get any better, he just seems to get worse... which is very worrisome.  
  
Purple (waking up for the fiftieth time): God... I feel sick...  
  
AF (looks up): Worse?   
  
Purple (nods slowly): When the hell is Zim going to finish his little experiment...? (coughs for about five minutes, then twitches) I'm dying here!  
  
AF (puts her arm around him): You're not gonna die Pur. I promise. (evil smile) You wouldn't let Red make a mess of everything you've done would you?  
  
Zim (cackling from somewhere in the lab): SUCCESS!! MAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! DOOOOOOM to the GERRRMS!   
  
Purple (blinks): That was interesting timing.  
  
AF (heads for the door): Very. I'll go get people.  
  
A few moments later, everyone-except GIR, he's still taking to ADA-is gathered back around Purple's door, staring at the giant tanks displayed before them. There's two of them, and they're filled with some kind of milky stuff. A long hose is attached to the pump that connects the two. Zim stands proudly before them, holding something in his hand as well.  
  
Shatai (stunned): Zim... please don't tell me we're going to have to get all of THAT into Purple...   
  
Purple (calling from his room): All of what!? I can't see! What's happening out there!?  
  
Red (pokes his head in the door): You don't wanna know. (closes the door)  
  
Zim (shakes his head): No no no! You see this here? (holds out his hand) This is my nanoship. The last one. They're extremely time consuming and not to mention difficult to make, so I was only able to create two. What we do is, shrink these tanks down to the size of my ship, as this serum is only potent in great quantities, and spray it all over the germs once I locate them.  
  
Red (squinting his eyes): Wouldn't it just be easier to make Purple drink that stuff-once it's shrunk I mean?   
  
Zim (sighs): If it is ingested, then it would have to be in its current state. Which (motions to the MASSIVE tanks behind him) would be physically impossible for Tallest Purple. Once it is shrunken, I will have to actually spray it on the germ threat to destroy them. Proportionally, the dosage will be enough. Unfortunately, this means...  
  
AF (swallows): You're going inside Purple with the nanoship.  
  
Zim (sarcastic): Your powers of deduction astound me, AF. (serious again) Yes, I will be venturing into my Tallest, although I doubt he will want that...   
  
Red (tries to take the nanoship from Zim): Let me see that thing! (knocks it out of his hand and it falls to the floor with a soft crunch. Everyone stares in horror) Uh... (looks embarrassed) That was a bad thing... right?  
  
AF (scary look and doomish voice): Red... You... will... die! (whips out her flamethrower that Zim gave her for Christmas and aims it at Red) That was Zim's LAST GODDAMN NANOSHIP... thing! Thanks to you, PUR IS DOOMED!!   
  
Purple (calling from his room, weakly): Why am I doomed?  
  
AF (insane look in eyes): RED, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! (charges him)  
  
Shatai (holds her back): AF!! Calm down! There's still something we can do! Don't kill Red... yet!  
  
AF (calms slightly and blinks): Like what!?  
  
Shatai (to Zim): Can you shrink things other than yourself and the tanks, Zim?  
  
Zim (confident): Of course! My shrink machine can shrink anything with the press of a button. It also works in reverse as well. (thinks) What are you planning, Jehuty-human?  
  
Shatai (points up): We shrink Jehuty and use it in place of a nanoship. (triumphant music plays as Shatai strikes a triumphant pose for his brilliant plan-why does he make me write this stuff?) Plus, I think those tanks would fit better on it anyway.  
  
Zim (sees the light): Yes! Brilliant! I like how your brain works human! (thinks a moment) Can I have it?  
  
Shatai: No.  
  
Red (cowering behind something): So, you're going to have Zim fly a giant robot of doom around inside Purple's insides until he finds the infection and can blow it up?   
  
Shatai (laughs): No way I'm letting Zim fly Jehuty! (grins evilly) I'll be driving!   
  
Zim (incredulous): And there is no way you will be venturing into MY Tallest without me! (glares up at Shatai) You don't know the squeedly-spooch from an eyeball! You would be lost and forgotten in five minutes without a guide. Therefore, I, ZIM! will go with you as a navigator. (folds his arms smugly)  
  
Shatai (shrugs): I guess you'll have to come then. You should fit, the cockpit's tiny, but so are you, so I think it'll be fine.  
  
AF (pissed): Hold on a goddamn minute! (glares at just generally everyone) You're all so busy plotting what you're going to do that I think you've forgotten something!  
  
Shatai and Zim (confused): huh?  
  
AF (forgets her dramatic speech): Me, you dumbasses! (folds her arms defiantly) And there's nothing you can do to stop me!  
  
Shatai (complaining): AF!! Not you too! You can't fit in Jehuty! The cockpit's way too small!!   
  
AF (isn't going to lose the argument): I'm small too! I'm a tiny thing! And I'm not letting you go in Purple without me around. God knows what two men'll do to him! (glares) I'm coming and that's final!  
  
Zim (sighs): You will at least be intelligent conversation, AF.   
  
Red (stops cowering): I hate to burst your plots, but I've known Purple the longest of anyone here. And as his co-leader, I can say that... (pauses dramatically) there is no way in hell that he is going to let you do this! He gets hysterical if I poke him! What do you think he'd do if you three went and messed around with his insides?  
  
AF (frowns): Then we'll have to trick him... (bites her lip at the looks she's getting) I know I know... I don't like it. But it's either that or Almighty Squeamish dies! (slams her fist in her palm) I'm not letting him die!   
  
Shatai (cheers): I'm with ya AF!  
  
Zim (nods): As am I. But... how will we trick Tallest Purple? He's a great deal smarter than he seems. (ignores Red's noises of disbelief)  
  
Red (blinks as everyone looks over at him): What? How the hell should I know?!  
  
AF (rolls her eyes): Hurry up, and think, Lazer Ass. Shatai, come help me. Zim, you figure out how to shrink the tanks and get Jehuty inside the lab. (heads off to Purple's room with Shatai right behind her. She looks at Shatai) Knowing Red, he'll be up playing ZOE the whole time, so we're going to set Pur up on the couch where he'll be somewhat monitored...  
  
Shatai (nods): Good plan. (opens the door for her) After you, Aliet Faslami!  
  
AF (threateningly): Call me that again and you're on my burn list.   
  
Shatai: Your what?  
  
AF (now casual): Where others have a hit list, I have a burn list.  
  
Purple (sits up when they walk in): Well!? (he's not looking very good... very pale and just has this weird fragile look) What happened out there? I'm gonna die huh?  
  
AF (walks up to him and puts her arm around him): Nope. You're not going to die. We're just here to put you up on the couch. Shatai, Zim and me have to go run some errands and we don't want you to stay down here alone. (gently helps him up) Use your hover thingy. Shatai'll bring some blankets up.   
  
So begins a very slow, very trying walk. Purple's pretty weak from being sick and his hovery thing isn't helping him much. AF has to hold him up the whole ride up the elevator. Behind them, Shatai looks like a walking mountain of blankets... When they finally get into the house he staggers away to the couch while...  
  
Purple (turns a funny color): Uh... AF...? (makes little sicky noises)  
  
AF (eyes widen in surprise): Geh! Sink! (she waits patiently while there are big sicky noises from the direction of the sink) You all right? (once again helps Purple move) You should sleep some more... that couldn't have felt good...   
  
Purple (lays down on the couch): No... no it didn't. (sighs, then shivers and pulls the blankets up) Thanks...  
  
AF (pats his hand): No problem, Pur... I just hope you get better... (watches him fall asleep, then squeezes his fingers and heads back to the lab, leaving Shatai to monitor him)   
  
Red (appearing from the trashcan elevator): AF! I thought of something! (triumphantly) I know how to trick PURPLE! Finally! I can be the smart one and humiliate HIM for a change!   
  
AF (skeptical): Uh huh... what is it?  
  
Red (holds a hand in the air dramatically): Curly fries!  
  
AF (blinks, then shakes her head): Red... Purple just got sick in the sink... I don't think curly fries-however nummy and curly they are-will work... (sighs) We're screwed! (is so upset she hides her face against Red and cries... wow, this is an amazing turn of events! Incredible what AF does when she's not happy!)  
  
Red (eyes get huge): Eh... (pokes her head) AF...? Hello? (he's stunned she's actually being civil to him) This is embarrassing! (peels her off) Okay, listen. Curly fries are in the same category as smoke machines to Purple. He is obsessed with them! Nothing would come between him and his precious fries. Make some, shrink Jehuty and the three of you, then I'll give him some and you carry out your glorious mission!   
  
AF (thinks): You know... that scarily enough makes sense... Geh! (twitches as she realizes what she just did) Oh shit! Did I just...? (Red nods) Eww! (heads for the lab again) That never happened, Lazer Ass! (starts going down the elevator) Oh and Red? (he looks at her) Thanks...  
  
After a while, they manage to get the tanks and shrink machine out to where Jehuty and GIR await them. The tanks are attached to Jehuty's back with a contraption Zim and Shatai built. AF's packed up provisions and such, cuz they don't know how long this will take. Zim has several scans of Purple's body ready on datapads as well as other weird looking things from his lab. How he got the scans... I doubt even Purple knows. Both sides have little video communicators so they can keep in touch. Red's also promised not to play ZOE the ENTIRE time. Wonder how long he'll hold out? Shatai, AF and Zim all head outside. When they come into view of Jehuty, which is pretty soon since it's so goddamn huge, weird Japanese violin music starts playing out of nowhere and an eerie glow surrounds Jehuty as the rest of the background kinda fades.  
  
AF (looking at Shatai): Where'd that come from?  
  
Shatai (shrugs): It just kinda happens whenever you look at Jehuty in a still pose after not seeing it for a while.  
  
AF (pretending like she understands): Aaah...  
  
The scenery and sound goes back to normal as someone honks at the huge robot, waving their fist at it as they pass. When they get near the cockpit, they discover that GIR has found how to open the canopy and is sitting in the cockpit.  
  
GIR: Can I push this button?  
  
Computer voice: No  
  
GIR: What about this one?  
  
Computer voice: No  
  
GIR: This one's pretty, I'm gunna push it!  
  
Jehuty is surrounded by blue energy and tenses at the effect. Since the button is not held, the energy is released and sends the three outside of Jehuty falling on their butts.  
  
Zim (jumping up and waving his iron fist): GIR! Don't touch anything! This is alien technology you are unfamiliar with.  
  
AF (giving her hand to Shatai who's already back on his feet): What was that voice?  
  
Shatai (sighs and helps her up): That's ADA, A-D-A, Jehuty's battle computer.  
  
AF: What's ADA stand for?  
  
Shatai (shrugs yet again): Dunno, Advanced something or other.  
  
ADA: I am ADA, the Advanced-  
  
GIR (interrupts): Doggy Assistant!  
  
ADA: No, the Advanced-  
  
GIR (interrupts again): Dooky annihilator!  
  
ADA: Nooo... This device is very illogical.  
  
Shatai (rolls his eyes): Everything's illogical to you ADA.  
  
Zim (angry with ADA): GIR's not... illogical... it's advanced!  
  
So they never found out what ADA stands for, because every time they asked again GIR would but in. Zim starts to set up the shrink ray while Shatai starts explaining the new 'mission' to his computer.  
  
Shatai (in explanation mode): We're gonna shrink Jehuty and attach two tanks to it and go around inside an alien and kill germs with it.  
  
There was a large pause while ADA computed all this before...  
  
ADA: That is very illogical.  
  
Shatai (sighs): What a surprise...  
  
ADA: I can give you fifteen thousand seven hundred and twenty four clear-cut reasons if you ask me to.  
  
Shatai (sarcastically): Please do.  
  
ADA: One, taking this side mission will interrupt our present mission of delivering this frame to The Atlantis (AN: ignore that reason) Two, using alien technology on Jehuty could have an unsuspected effect on Jehuty that could effect future missions. (A/N: ignore that too) Three, attaching these tanks to the frame's torso could have unpredictable effects in battle. (A/N: and that) Four, it's unpredictable what the alien's body may do to the frame. (A/N: okay, that one's important) Five... Okay, I only have four reasons, but it is very illogical and persuasion must be attempted.  
  
Shatai: ADA?  
  
ADA: yes?  
  
Shatai (glaring): Shut up  
  
ADA: Roger, initiating mute.  
  
Shatai (rolls his eyes): Finally. (offers his arm to AF) Ladies and Purple lovers first-OW! (rubs the place where AF slapped him) I meant that in a good way, AF...  
  
AF (climbing into the cockpit of Jehuty): I know what you meant and I am perfectly able to get in a cockpi-GAH! (slips and dangles by her foot from the cockpit) SHATAI!!  
  
Red (snickers): Your grace'll win Purple over for sure AF.  
  
AF (indignant): Why the hell does everyone keep saying shit like that!? (glares) Just get me down! (looks at Zim) Please Zimmy? Help...  
  
Zim (being the gallant hero! YAY! We all know he has it in him): At once, AF! (climbs up, using his robo-legs, and hauls her into the cockpit) There you are! Now, if our esteemed pilot would so kindly enter his ship, we can get to the business of saving my Tallest! (squeezes in on the right side of the driver chair with AF on the left)  
  
Shatai (easily hops in): Right! ADA! Close the canopy!   
  
Zim (calling): Tallest Red! Once the cockpit is sealed, press the black button on the control panel! We will radio you with our position once we're safely on the curly fries! (thinks a minute) And DON'T FORGET!!  
  
Red (watches the canopy close): Who does he think he is? Ordering me around like he's six feet tall... (jumps ten feet as AF's face appears on the video screen) Yipe! You're ready already?  
  
AF (angry): Yes. So hurry up and press the button already! We don't have a lot of time you know...  
  
Red (blinks): Yeah, I know, I know. Everyone ready in there? (watches them nod) Then here we go! (presses the button)  
  
Instantly-wow, the button actually works!-a blast of white energy is shot from the shrinking device. It covers Jehuty and blinds Red temporarily. When he's able to look again, Jehuty and the tanks are gone, leaving only the shrinking device. AF's face is still on the video screen, but she looks paler than usual and a little dazed.  
  
Red (rubs his eyes with one hand): Wow... how are you guys? It worked, right?  
  
Shatai (his face comes in): We're fine! So's Jehuty, thanks for asking...  
  
Zim (swiping the screen away): Of course it worked! It WAS my invention, after all!  
  
Red (snickering): I'll just go get those fries... (returns a few minutes later with a big bag) Here they are! Purple's sleeping still so I'll have to wake him up once you guys are ready!  
  
AF (covers her ears): Damn it Red! Do you have to yell!? We have tiny ears here! You sound like a goddamn bullhorn!  
  
Red (blushes): Sorry... Hurry it up with the flying. If Jendai and Bast get home before we're done... we're screwed.  
  
Shatai (steals the screen): Bast would understand what we're trying to do! (concentrates for a moment, obviously steering Jehuty) But you're right about Jendai. He's almost as bad as Purple. (concentrates once again) There! We're ready!   
  
Red (taking the bag and screen inside): Right. I'll go back for the thingy in a few. (enters the house, hiding the screen) Purple! Wake up! (notices lack of reaction) Hey! Smokey! Get your ass up! I got curly fries!  
  
Purple (instantly awake at the mention of fries): When did you get curly fries? No, why did YOU get curly fries? Shouldn't you be... carrying a giant mound of nachos? (shivers despite a literal 50 blankets. Hey, don't diss until you've been THAT sick too!)  
  
Red (shakes his head): Normally. But, (hands the bag to Purple) AF told me to get you some cuz she's busy and I've been evil lately. (thinks) Oh, and cuz you're sick.  
  
Purple (decides he won't question his awesome luck): Give me those! (grabs the bag away and dives in) Hehe, fries. (eats a handful) Ooo... these're great! (hmm, he seems to have perked up...) My beloved fries! How I missed you!  
  
Red (watching with distain): God, I hope I don't act like that with nachos...   
  
Purple (finishes off the bag): Nummy... (blinks sleepily) By the way... I meant to ask you where they were going. Or, rather, where are they?  
  
Red (can't keep his secret any longer): Here! (hands Purple the screen) See for yourself!  
  
AF (from the screen): RED YOU IDIOT!! When I get out of here, your neck is going to be in my fists!   
  
Shatai (also on screen): What the hell do you think you're doing?!   
  
Zim (...you know where he is): My TALLEST! You are destroying our mission's rate of success!  
  
Purple (peering at the screen): Mission? (looks a little closer) Where are you three? What are you up to?  
  
After much pleading, AF finally gives in. He gave her the look, all right!? Does that satisfy you!? She tells him everything... well, not everything. She doesn't tell him why she's there. We all know why she's there, don't we? Shatai and Zim are shaking their heads in dismay.   
  
Red (on the floor, laughing hysterically): PURPLE! You should see your face!   
  
AF (sad face): Pur... I'm so sorry... I know how you are about things like this. But you knew I wasn't just going to do nothing! And Zim either! (looks at her group) And Shatai... he's just here cuz we needed Jehuty.   
  
Purple (amazed): I dunno what I'm supposed to say here... (shrugs) guess there's nothing I can do so... (coughs) Hurry up! You heard Zim. I'm not getting any better. If you don't move your collective asses, there isn't going to be anything left of me to yell at you AF. (salutes sloppily) Good luck you guys. Keep in touch. I'd like to know what I look like inside.  
  
AF (actually happy for once): Thank you Purple! Don't worry! We'll do our best!  
  
Shatai (being a screen hog): You can trust my piloting skills!  
  
Zim (cutting in): I'll be navigating, my Tallest! You may also trust my navigational skills! And AF's advice, if that will ease your mind.  
  
Purple (narrows his eyes): Uh huh... just make sure you don't hurt my squeedly-spooch, okay?  
  
Zim (salutes): Yes sir!  
  
Let's cut into the cockpit now. Zim is the only one who has any idea where they are, but the humans suspect they're still in Purple's throat. Shatai is driving beautifully. ADA is muted. The trip is going wonderfully.  
  
Purple (on the screen): Okay, I'm going back to sleep now. Feel free to call back. Good luck... Red! Shut the hell up! My face was NOT that funny! (the screen shuts off)  
  
Shatai (grins evilly): Here we go!   
  
Zim (another evil grin): Onwards to the squeedly-spooch!  
  
Shatai: Why the squeedly-spooch?  
  
Zim (examining his data once again): That is where the germ infestation is located. If we destroy the threat there, the threat will end. See my point? (Shatai nods)  
  
AF (staring into space): What is a squeedly-spooch anyway?  
  
Zim (still scanning his charts and whatnot): An extremely important Irken organ. You would not understand its purpose.  
  
AF (pretends she's not mad): Ah. (stares into space) I'm gonna sing now, okay? (starts because she's bored) 99 daiquiris on the wall, 99 daiquiris! You take one down, drink it all down, 98 daiquiris on the wall!   
  
5 hours pass in the same way... After which, Zim is looking like he does after 6 months of the doom song, Shatai's eye is twitching, and AF... AF's singing with GIR over the screen thing.  
  
AF and GIR (still singing): 1 daiquiri on the wall, 1 daiquiri! You take it down, drink it all down, NO daiquiris on the waaaaaaaaaall! (both giggle insanely)  
  
GIR (waves): I'm gonna go for a ride with Pigg now, okay? He has a fast bikey thing! (runs off as the sound of a motorcycle is heard)  
  
Shatai (stops his eye from twitching): How... long is Purple's throat!? We've been in here for five goddamn hours!  
  
Zim (half-conscious): Too much singing... (snaps out of it) We should almost be out of the throat area... (looks at his charts) Just about... now.  
  
AF (turns green): Eew... that's just... that's not something you want to see... ever.   
  
Do I need to describe what they're looking at? Use your goddamn imaginations here! I don't want to have to describe it... Let's just say it's where curly fries went...  
  
Shatai (pales): Ick...  
  
Zim (looks over at AF): AF, that is a most delightful color you have turned! Why don't you stay that way more often? It is most becoming. (returns to his work)  
  
AF (narrows her eyes): Zim...? Are you hitting on me?   
  
Zim (confused): No! Why would I have cause to hit you? You are an ally! (proudly) Irkens do not have conflicts with their allies.  
  
AF (relieved): Okay, cuz if you were, I'd have to hurt you.  
  
Zim (not understanding): huh...?   
  
ADA (suddenly not muted): Enemy units approaching our location.  
  
Shatai (confused): What the hell? (looks at little monitor thingies) Aw, shit. Germs... and they're bigger than us! (glares at Zim) Why couldn't you make Jehuty the size of a germ?!   
  
Zim (glares back): I did not anticipate germs of this size! (makes an indignant noise) Last time I met the human germ threat, they were much smaller. Apparently, the time they've spent within my Tallest's body has increased their size and power... (growls and shakes his fist) StOOOpid, FILTHY germs! How dare you infect my TALLEST!  
  
ADA: We will assume battle position.  
  
Shatai (concentrating on controls): Hold on to your asses everyone... this is going to be rough...   
  
The canopy that is transparent on the inside glows with a green marker. Under the marker is one giant version of the germs as seen in the episode germs... duh. Anyway, Shatai fires the thrusters, sending AF and Zim flat against the back of the cockpit.  
  
Shatai (smugly): I told you to hang on.  
  
AF (scraping herself off the back of the cockpit): You said to hang onto our asses not something bolted down!  
  
Zim (glances around): I see no donkey beasts in this cockpit, nor do I own any! So I see no point to the statement of 'hold on to your asses'!  
  
Jehuty goes down and under the germ, coming back up quickly with a flip thrust sending AF and Zim in disarray. They appear at the biggest Germ's back, Shatai feeling cocky with his maneuvering skills. He doesn't feel so cocky when the germ's face kinda just appears in the section facing Jehuty.  
  
Shatai: What the...?  
  
A big mass of the germ swings around and hits the frame, sending Jehuty sprawling about in Purple's stomach. Okay, we know that's not what the Irkens are going to be calling it, but for the sake of my sudden creativity lack, we're gonna call all the organs by their human name. Damn, I'm feeling creative... just bear with me. Trust me, this'll be a lot easier to understand if we do it this way-gah! I'm rambling, sorry sorry... So, Jehuty just got smacked by the germ and is flying around in Pur's stomach... thing...   
  
Zim (frustrated): Geh! Pathetic human! You're making us lose! Let me control this inferior nano... thing!  
  
Zim goes for the right control sphere thingy and Jehuty makes a sharp right spiraling turn. There is more screaming as the Irken turns the sphere about with both hands trying to gain control. Shatai struggles with the other half, noticing the burning acid-looking stuff below them, all the while attempting to give Zim an evil eye.  
  
AF (equally frustrated): Outa my way! (shoves the two aside and pushes both spheres down)  
  
Shatai (horrified): AF! NO!   
  
Jehuty is surged with energy in a tense position, as AF's fingers hit the same button GIR had pushed before they left. What GIR hadn't done was press the other button... the less shiny one beside it... which AF's fingers also hit. A giant blue energy sphere appears above Jehuty, and descends to a position where it punches it and sends it flying into Purple's "stomach" lining.  
  
AF (suddenly more horrified than Shatai): Oopsy...  
  
Back outside Purple's skin...  
  
Purple (writhing in pain on the couch): Dah! Oh god, it burns! My insides burn!  
  
Red (distracted from ZOE): Huh?  
  
Purple (still twitching from painfulness): My insides burn!  
  
Red (going back to ZOE): Uh, heartburn?  
  
Purple (twitching slowing): What the hell are they doing to me? (pokes himself in the stomach area) Owy... (suddenly burps, smoke comes out of mouth) What the hell...?  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Shatai (mad): Okay, no touchy! I'm the frame runner here, only I control it.  
  
Zim (sighs): Yes Jehuty human (to himself) His brain will prove to be of much more use than I thought...  
  
Shatai (glares over at him): What was that?  
  
Zim (innocently): Oh nothing...  
  
Shatai: No, tell me.  
  
AF (wide-eyed): Uh, Shatai...  
  
Zim (gives Shatai the evil Irken eye): Shut your noise tube Jehuty human!  
  
AF (pulls on Shatai's shirt): Shatai?!  
  
Shatai (ignoring her): You want my brain again don't you?  
  
ADA: Enemy closing in on our location.  
  
Shatai (swallows): Huh?  
  
The big Germ is looming over them all doomishly.  
  
Everyone: DAAAAAAAH!  
  
Germ quickly opens its mouth and swallows Jehuty. A thoughtful look is on the germs face after its meal.  
  
Shatai (pissed): Okay, I've been eaten one too many times today! (thinks) Okay, two too many times!! (gets a crazed look in his eyes as Jehuty goes into burst mode and performs a spiral cut burst attack, splitting the germ in two and freeing Jehuty)  
  
Shatai (happy to be free, yet still pissed off): Damn it! I just got this thing waxed too! Now it's all... germy...  
  
ADA: I told you this mission was illogical.  
  
Shatai (glowers): Shut up  
  
ADA: Mute initiation is not on the menu during battle pro-  
  
Shatai (yells): I said, shut up!  
  
ADA (innocently): Muting.  
  
AF (screams): Shatai!  
  
Shatai: Dah! No need to scream.  
  
AF (exchanges a stupid look with Zim): LOOK!  
  
Shatai (notices the split germ is turning into two new ones): Stupid... things!  
  
Zim (bangs his fist on the console thingy): The germs must be sprayed with the viral disinfectant if they are to be destroyed.  
  
Shatai (nods absently): Right... Item select... uh...  
  
A big rifle looking thing appears in Jehuty's hands. Jehuty easily gets into range and squirts the stuff on all the germs and everyone is rewarded with a satisfying burning chemical sound. YAY!! Shatai does a scan of the immediate area to assure everyone that there's no more germs around.   
  
Zim (not looking up from his chart things): At least we know for sure my spray works. I will now admit that I had a few difficulties proving its merit in the initial testing. (smiles in his little Irken way) It is truly good fortune to have run into that germ! (ignores the angry looks he's getting)  
  
Purple (face appearing on the screen thing, sitting up on the couch): What the hell is going on in there!? I thought you were going to save me, not kill me!  
  
Shatai (not bothering to look at him): We ran into a slight problem and certain people couldn't keep their hands to themselves and ended up running into things and firing off lazers where they shouldn't be fired. (glares at AF and Zim)   
  
Purple (narrows his eyes-which are duller and have darker rings under them): Do I need to send someone to a certain rat people's planet when they get out of me?   
  
Zim (fearful): I apologize, my Tallest! I did not think such little bumps would hurt an Irken as great as yourself!  
  
AF (pretends to cough): Kissup!   
  
Purple (ignoring her): Well, damn it Zim, they DID hurt! If you do anything remotely like it ever again, I swear to the mother of Irk I'm going to kick your ass so hard you won't need your voot cruiser to get to Blorch! (glares at poor Zim)  
  
Zim (swallows and bows his head): Thank you deeply for granting me another chance, Tallest... I don't deserve it.  
  
Purple (coughs a few times then continues glaring): No, you don't. Just be glad it's me and not Lazer Ass that you're inside of. God knows what he'd do to you. (sighs) Plus, it's AF's fault too, I assume, and I can't lord over her... tempting as the thought is...  
  
AF (snatches the screen from Zim): I have more lazers where that came from, you know.  
  
Purple (twitches an antenna): I know. Hurry up in there. I'm not getting any better. (the screen goes dark)  
  
Shatai (starts steering Jehuty again): Something tells me he's going to be saying that a lot... (shrugs) So, Zim. How do you propose we get to the spooch thingy from here?  
  
Zim (chews his lip): There is no way to get there from our current position... we will have to leave this area in order to get there. I have one idea how to accomplish this... and we will merely have to hope Tallest Purple is as forgiving as his reputation. (frowns)  
  
AF (reaches over and pats Zim's shoulder): Don't worry, Zimmy. I'll make sure Purple doesn't chew you out. He likes me better anyway.  
  
Shatai: That's just because you have a flamethrower, which you use on Red, and haven't blown up Irk lately. (looks at Zim) Anyway, how do we do this Zim?  
  
Zim (sounding resigned): We use one of the lazers to open a small hole in the tissue and slip through. Once through, we use another lazer to seal the hole shut. After doing so, we can safely enter the Germ infested area and finish off the mission. (shakes his head) But I do not think my Tallest would allow such an operation.  
  
AF (turns the screen on): We'll see about that... (remember AF's brilliant bargaining skills?) Hello? Pur? You home?  
  
Purple (face coming back, he's laying down now): What now? I'm trying to die in peace here.  
  
AF (rolls her eyes): You're not going to die! (uses her sweetest, most innocent voice and explains the plot) We need to get to your squeedly-spooch, okay? So, what we're going to do is make a tiny little cut in the tissue and squeeze through. Once we're through, we'll close it up and you'll never know it was there. But... (keeps up her pleading look) it's going to hurt you...   
  
Purple (frowns): How much will it hurt?  
  
Zim (popping in): Just a bit, my Tallest! And only for a few seconds, as this nano... thing is too small to cause a very large pain or make a very large hole.   
  
Purple (sighs heavily): Whatever... I trust you and Shatai, AF. Keep Zim in line... (pales a bit) I'm just gonna go back to sleep... god, I'm so tired... (falls asleep before AF can even turn off the screen)  
  
Shatai (evil smile): And we're clear to go! To the squeedly-spooch... whatever it is!  
  
And so, they complete their little side mission-without causing too much discomfort-and head off with the mighty, supreme, all powerful Lord of All Huma-(okay, who let Zim on my computer!?) Urgh... let's just say they have Zim guiding them. As they begin their journey, a certain duo who haven't had much to do in this fic pull up in a certain pickup truck... wonder who this is?   
  
Red (looking up from ZOE): Hmm... who's that? Everyone's home... (glances at Purple) well, sorta... who the hell is that? (blinks as the front door opens)  
  
Do I even need to say who walks in? Oh well, for those who haven't guessed by now, Jendai and Bast waltz in-not literally. Dai couldn't literally waltz if his life depended on it... Anyway, they walk in. Both of their clothes are severely messed up, as in, Jendai's shirt is on backwards, and Bast only has one shoe... and various other little things that weren't there when they left, like lipstick marks all over Jendai's face... Looks like some people got dressed in a hurry. There's an idiotic grin on both of their faces. They have their arms around each other and are completely oblivious to Red's usually annoying presence.   
  
Red (thinking his usual, dirty thoughts... bad Tallest! No lazers for a week!): heh, looks like someone got some-(ducks as something is thrown at his head, a la Purple-who woke up when the door opened)  
  
Jendai (noticing them for the first time): Nice to see you too, Lazer Ass. (looks at Purple in confusion) What's wrong with you?  
  
Purple (from the couch, where he's being a potato and a mummy): What do you think? I'm freezing, I'm sick and Zim is shooting off lazers in my insides.  
  
Bast (squinting an eye): Come again?  
  
Red (mindlessly playing his game): Purple's sick, so Zim and AF and Shatai got in Jehuty and shrunk themselves and got him to eat them and now they're fighting germs in him and firing lazers to blow them up. DAMN IT!! (throws his controller down) THE STUPID Tempest thing killed me again!  
  
Jendai (watching the game): You hit a tree.  
  
Red (glares over his shoulder and stands up): Watch it or your legs won't be the only things that don't work... Speaking of things that don't work... (evil look) If you're paralyzed below the waist, how do you-  
  
Jendai (gets the most scary look he's ever had and takes a threatening step forward): If you finish that question you won't have a reason to ask it anymore...   
  
Red (backs off): Okay okay... (heh, Dai's scary when he's pissed... Don't believe me? Ask the four or five humans who know his wrath.)   
  
Bast (steps between them and clears her throat): Going back to MY question, which was ignored, thank you very much. (looks at Purple) What did you mean by 'Zim's shooting lazers inside me'?  
  
Purple (shrugs as best he can): Zim had this plot on how to get rid of the germs and... (goes through and explains the whole incident)...so, now they're trying to get to my squeedly-spooch and I'm slowly dying.  
  
Red (rolls his eyes): You are not going to die. Cut the shit Purple! Zim's completely incompetent but the Jehuty-human isn't THAT brainless. Not to mention AF's on your side too... (thinks) Hmm... Wonder if she remembered to take her flamethrower... (runs off to find Flamey Jr. The name's a long story, don't ask)  
  
Jendai (goes to sit on the armrest of the couch): How long have they been gone?   
  
Purple: About five hours (sighs)  
  
Bast (picking up the screen thingy-so that's what Purple threw at Red...): Ooo! What's dis!? (pushes the on button and hears the usual sounds of arguing) Is it a TV?   
  
Shatai (from the screen): Where the hell are we!?  
  
Zim (guess where): If your so-called driving skills were not sub-par and more like mine-so amazing they are!-then we would not be in Tallest Purple's foot!   
  
AF (do I need to say it?): What's wrong with his foot? He has cute feet!  
  
Bast (blinks): Huh? Is that who I think it is? (she only has the thing on audio)  
  
Jendai (pokes Purple's foot): Heh heh! AF likes your feet Pur!  
  
Purple (groans): Shut up, Jendai...  
  
Bast (trying to figure out how to turn on the picture): Quiet! I almost got it... there! (brings the screen to Dai so he can see too)   
  
Shatai (sounds annoyed): AF, we weren't insulting his feet... we just don't want to be there now!!   
  
Zim (weee! They can see him now!): Correct, Jehuty-human.  
  
Shatai: Why can't you just call me Shatai like everyone else?   
  
Zim (ignoring him): We should be here! (points at something on his charts) Not all the way down in the Tallest's foot! There are no germs here... But with my WONDROUS navigational skills, I do not see how we could have possibly bypassed it...   
  
Shatai (being grumpy cuz now he's stuck inside an alien longer than he wanted): Just shut up and find us a way to get there or I'll make ADA take over your job and kick your scrawny green ass out of the cockpit.  
  
AF (finally notices the screen's on): Hey! We got watchers! (picks it up and cheers) BAST!!!  
  
Bast (on the other end, cheering): AF!! HI!  
  
Shatai (to himself): Is it just me, or do girls always suddenly get much more hyper when they meet each other...?  
  
Jendai (waves from behind Bast): Hello.   
  
AF (notices their messy clothes): I don't even want to know what you guys were doing in that truck...  
  
Bast (blushes): It wasn't exactly the truck... more like-(gets cut off by Jendai)  
  
Jendai: How's it going in there?   
  
Shatai (butts in): We're lost, we're bugging the hell out of each other, we got eaten by a germ, Zim's being himself... how do you think we're doing?   
  
AF (returns to her conversation): Uh, Bast... this could take a while... so...  
  
Bast (blinks innocently): Yes?  
  
AF: So, could you watch Pur and make sure nothing gets... you know... worser? And that Lazer Ass isn't bugging him?  
  
Bast (looks over at Jendai): Sure. Oh and, AF?  
  
AF (unsuspecting): Yes?  
  
Bast (giggling): Try not to MASSIVE-ly screw up!  
  
Needless to say, AF drops the screen because she's laughing so hard. The three Irkens who heard stare at each other in confusion. Bast finally says bye bye and turns the screen off. There's silence in the cockpit for at least an hour. Finally, Zim and Shatai start discussing how Zim should attempt world-takeover. AF feels left out, so she pulls out her GS and plays away. On the outside, god knows what Red and GIR are up to, Purple... sleeps off and on, and Bast and Dai either peek in on him or... continue their date. Finally, GIR enters, disguised, skipping and holding a brainfreezie.  
  
GIR (singing): I gots choc'late! Do do do do do do! I gots bub-gum! (notices who's on the couch) Ooo! Tall Master Pur! (sets his freezie carefully on the floor then climbs up the armrest) Hello! (pokes sleeping Tallest's head) Wow! You have a warm head! (gets happy face) LET'S MAKE EGGS!! (runs off into the kitchen, ignoring what Bast and Jendai are up to... and returns to the couch with a carton of eggs) YAY!! Eggs are nummy! Aren't they Tall Master Pur? (breaks one and lets the goo fall on Purple's head, where it-amazingly-starts frying... wonder of wonders..) You're gonna like this!!  
  
Purple (wakes up when he smells the egg): Wha... Holy SHIT! What the hell!?  
  
GIR (happy): I'm makin eggs! (remembers what was said) Those bad words Tall Master Pur! You need to wash your mouth! I'll go get the soap! (runs off to get said soap)  
  
Purple (trying to get the egg off his face but his arms are stuck under the mummifying blankets): Geh, eh, geh! (gives up) JENDAI!!   
  
Jendai (poking his head around the corner): Yes? (notices the egg) Whoa... (grins) You know, if you wanted something to eat, all you had to do was call me.  
  
Purple (narrows his eyes): Shut up! Just get this goo off me! (turns the funny color once again) I'm not feeling so great...  
  
Jendai (pales): Aww, shit. (marches over and easily picks up the Tallest... damn, he's strong!) Hold on for a few seconds... (brings him into the kitchen and sets him down in front of the sink) Bast... wanna give us a minute here?  
  
Bast (walks out without protest): Suuuure... (plops down in front of the TV and inspects Red's game)  
  
Five minutes go by. Jendai picks Purple up again and sets him back down on the couch, where the Tallest promptly passes out into dreamland. This worries our mechanic a bit... He doesn't dwell on it too much, just goes and finds a spatula to get the egg off Pur's head. That accomplished, he re-wraps the Irken potato-mummy and pats him on the head...  
  
Jendai (holding his hand): OW! Hothothot! Damn, he's on fire! (puts his fingers in his mouth-then realizes something) ...Bast? Where's my glove?  
  
Bast (still examining the game): Probably somewhere on that bush in the park. My shoe's probably there too.   
  
Jendai (sucks his fingers, then takes them out to talk): Shit. Just when I need it too...  
  
Bast (not really paying attention): Why?  
  
Jendai (sighs): Never mind. (goes back to the kitchen and returns with a rather large bag of ice wrapped in waterproof fabric so the condensation and water droplets won't touch Purple's head-isn't he a good friend?) Here we are! (puts the bag on Purple's head where there is a loud hiss) Eep... that can't be good... wonder what's taking AF and everyone so long?  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Shatai (sighing): That's enough, ADA. I don't see any germs here. Normal view please.   
  
AF (singing): Nor-mal view! NOR-mal VIEW! NOR-MAL VIEW! NORRR-MAAAAL VIEEEEEEW!!  
  
Zim (annoyed): Are you quite finished?  
  
AF (nods): Yup. (calms down) Wha'd Shatai say about no germs here? I thought we were in on the squeedly thing...  
  
Zim (frustrated): Yes! We ARE where we're supposed to be, yet there are NO germs! (growls) Why is this!?   
  
Shatai: Maybe they heard from the one we beat that we were coming.   
  
Zim (scoffs): That is impossible! Germs have no mental abilities to reason and make conclusions!   
  
AF (blinks): Then why are they cowering over there under the squeedly thing? (points)  
  
Zim and Shatai: Huh?!  
  
They look to see hundreds of evil germs latched on to the squeedly-spooch. Everyone kinda stares for a few seconds...  
  
AF: Oh...  
  
Shatai: My...   
  
Zim: Tallest... (blinks at weird looks) What? You were expecting me to say, "god"?  
  
Shatai: Yeah, kinda.  
  
Jehuty floats there for a while... until the Germs notice them. Suddenly, they all swarm Jehuty, doing bizarre little karate moves and squeaking in their high voices like karate yells. The humans and Irken are stunned beyond belief at this behavior. Finally, Zim catches his sanity-or what sanity he has.  
  
Zim: What is going on here!? (rants at the germs) How is it possible that they could accomplish such feats!? YOU ARE PATHETIC GERRRRRMS!! You MOCK the grace and INCREDIBLE abilities of a SOLDIER! (looks at Shatai solemnly) Destroy them. Destroy them all.  
  
Shatai (looks confused): Wasn't that what we were trying to do anyway?   
  
Zim: Yes! But now we must do it with... (squints evilly) immense prejudice...  
  
AF (actually paying attention): Don't you mean, extreme prejudice?  
  
Zim (confident): Yes. That's what I said.  
  
Shatai (rolls his eyes): Let's just go kick some germy ass!   
  
ADA: We will assume battle position.  
  
And so, the battle begins!  
  
Shatai (trying to sound cool): Let's start this right.  
  
Jehuty charges and unleashes a wave of blue energy with its sword.  
  
AF (turning green yet again): Would you stop doing that! It's making me dizzy!  
  
Shatai (grins evily): You'll love this.  
  
The germs have been scattered apart just far enough for Jehuty to maneuver through, and Shatai begins with as many flips and somersaults as ADA will let him do. Zim starts laughing hysterically as Germ after 'filthy disgusting' Germ fall victim to the lazers and germ spray.  
  
Zim (continuing rant): You are all no match for the might of Zim! Not even my own ship, and yet you all cringe at the touch of my great-Geh!  
  
Jehuty is struck from behind in the dense bodies of germs, causing Zim to hit is head on something hard, not that there is really anything soft inside Jehuty.  
  
Zim (yelling): Careful Jehuty human!  
  
Shatai (grunting in effort): Stop calling me that!  
  
AF: I don't feel so goo...  
  
Zim (evil smile): Yes, I feel the goo rushing through me as well AF. (proudly) It is a good day to be a Soldier! It is a good day for battles that will serve the greater good of the Tallest and the EMPIRE!! (well... he's been brainwashed)  
  
Shatai (winning): Die germs die!  
  
The spray is proving to be just as effective on these germs as the others, and soon there's only one left.  
  
Shatai (does another unnecessary flip): Got you now!  
  
AF (doesn't like feeling sick): Stop it! (hits Shatai from behind out of instinct. The soft sculled pilot blacks out and sprawls over the controls) Dah! What the hell did I do!?  
  
Zim (speaking into microphone recording): Hmm, skull, squishy, easily penetrated...  
  
AF (glares over at him): Zimmy, I hope you can fly this thing.  
  
Zim (overconfident): Of course I can! ZIM can pilot any craft or machine no matter how simple or... stupid... it may be! This primitive future human weapon is so sadly simple and... non-complex, I laugh at it! Here I go! (begins laughing)-Geh!  
  
AF, annoyed with Zim's ranting for once, and out of instinct (She doesn't think much does she-OW! ) hits Zim who also sprawls over... whatever it is he was sitting next to.  
  
AF (panicky): Uh oh. (pokes Shatai) Shatai? Shatai you can wake up now, come on, wakey wakey... Oh shit...  
  
She realizes there's no waking up either of the two and moves Shatai into her spot and assumes piloting controls.  
  
ADA: I detect you are not the designated pilot scheduled to control this frame.  
  
AF (irritated): So what? There some kind of defense code thingy that won't let me control it?  
  
ADA: Not at all, I just have to say that so the intelligence part in AI sounds right.  
  
AF (slightly confused): Okay... Dah!  
  
The germs start attacking Jehuty, and there are some bumps that aren't making her stomach feel a lot better. Not knowing even how to move the thing forward, AF resorts to her superior bargaining skills!  
  
AF (holds her hands up): Hold on a sec, hold on a sec!  
  
Somehow, she gets the germs attention and they wait listening, convenient huh?-(Shut UP Shatai!!)  
  
AF (surprised she has their attention): Okay, uum, how about, I leave you alone, aaand, you leave my friend alone? You can go infest Lazer Ass or something, he'd like an excuse to lay in front of the TV twenty four seven. (She knows that would put Red in danger of death too but what's she supposed to do? Let Purple die and be forced to endure Red's company? Not likely)  
  
The germs seem to consider this for a moment, and right where the situation seems to be looking brighter it seems that the germs are pummeling Jehuty again.  
  
ADA: Warning, life gauge at fifty percent.  
  
AF (looks at the panels): Oh, so that's what those flashy red bars are...   
  
ADA: I suggest you escape from this battle.  
  
AF: Hell no! (light bulb appears above head) I got an idea! Wait, but I don't like it... (Jehuty is shaken once more) Okay okay, God, I'll use it! (takes out the screen and tells Bast who answers to give it to Red...)  
  
Red (angry and singed. Hmm, guess he found out that AF's flamethrower is well-protected by more fire): I just got past the ESP or EPS thingy! What do you want?  
  
AF (uncomfortable): Shatai and Zim... uum... passed out, and... now I need to know how to fly this thingy...  
  
Red (knowing exactly what she's talking about-damn, he's evil!): What are you saying?  
  
AF (getting pissed): LAZER ASS! Don't make me say it! Purple... and us... are in trouble here!  
  
Red (smirks): Well you and Pur are gonna stay in trouble if you don't say it.  
  
AF (severely pissed off): Lazer Ass, I am gonna roast your ass when I get out of here!  
  
Red: If you get out of there.  
  
AF (tired of fighting and desperate to help Purple): Fine! I... I need your help... (scowls out the window)  
  
Red (evil smirk): Really AF, I had no idea?  
  
AF (incredibly pissed and upset that she had to kiss Red's ass): Shut up and tell me how to fly this thing!  
  
Red (relents a bit): Okay, first hold the R2 button.  
  
AF: ...As in R2D2?  
  
Red (smacks face): The fat trigger button on the right.  
  
AF (holds it): Ah (Jehuty starts to vibrate and move forward) WEEEEEEEE!  
  
Red (rolls his eyes): Now the sphere thing on your left should control movement, just control it like a mouse.  
  
AF (finally figures out how to drive): There! Now, how do I use the squirty thingy?  
  
Red (covers his face with his hand): Push O.  
  
AF (dramatically): All right! (accidentally pushes flipping button) Dah! Sick!   
  
Slowly but surely AF approaches the germ, it sees her but just kinda sits there. She gets within point blank range, lifts the giant rifle, shoots... and misses.  
  
AF (amazed at her stupidity): Shit! How'd I manage that? (lines up a shot) Die you Pur-killing, green, bastard! (thinks) And by that, for once I don't mean Red! (she takes another shot and hits dead on, the germ fries and YAY! Purple is germ free!)  
  
The Finale will be up as soon as I find time!  
-AF 


End file.
